It’s almost Mother’s Day. Have you called your Mom recently? You should… and thank her, because she isn’t any of these mothers.
The cold steel of a pistol helps soothe Baby’s teething.
Strengthen Baby’s immune system by covering it with bacteria from a convenience store floor.
Allow all the blood to rush to Baby’s head for a quick and effortless naptime.
“Breastfeeding and spray tans, do not mix!!” (crying tears of laughter)
Stay Classy…
Why pay for a babysitter, when you can put that cash into a slot machine instead? After all, nobody can monitor your baby better than the casino’s security cameras.
Don’t waste money on an expensive and comfortable stroller! Babies can fold up neatly into any affordable utility cart.
Harness your kid to your Jazzy. You’ll save precious battery life and provide your child with beneficial exercise at the same time.
Walking is one of the best cardiovascular exercises for pregnant women.
Don’t worry, butter fingers! Your child most likely wasn’t destined for greatness anyway.
“Take Your Child to Work Day” helps your kid build character.
Safety First!
Help prepare your child for college early-on by encouraging superior Beer-Bong skills.
By exposing your child to your profession, you can create a memorable bonding experience that helps boost their self esteem.
“A boy’s best friend is his mother.”
While waiting for Mommy to sober up, the footrest on the bar is the perfect spot for a nap.
Save money by using the same collar and leash for your dog, for your child. One size fits most.
Teaching children to dance will awaken new perceptions in their mind, helping them to learn and think in different ways.
If your children get unruly in social situations, bring along some juice boxes and roofies.
Is Baby irritable? Nothing relaxes Baby faster than a few hits from Mommy’s bong.
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