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It’s almost Mother’s Day. Have you called your Mom recently?  You should… and thank her, because she isn’t any of these mothers.

 

The cold steel of a pistol helps soothe Baby’s teething.

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Strengthen Baby’s immune system by covering it with bacteria from a convenience store floor.

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Allow all the blood to rush to Baby’s head for a quick and effortless naptime.

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“Breastfeeding and spray tans, do not mix!!” (crying tears of laughter)

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Stay Classy…

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Why pay for a babysitter, when you can put that cash into a slot machine instead? After all, nobody can monitor your baby better than the casino’s security cameras.

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Don’t waste money on an expensive and comfortable stroller!  Babies can fold up neatly into any affordable utility cart.

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Harness your kid  to your Jazzy. You’ll save precious battery life and provide your child with beneficial exercise at the same time.

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Walking is one of the best cardiovascular exercises for pregnant women.

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Don’t worry, butter fingers! Your child most likely wasn’t destined for greatness anyway.

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“Take Your Child to Work Day”  helps your kid build character.

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Safety First!

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Help prepare your child for college early-on by encouraging superior Beer-Bong skills.

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By exposing your child to your profession, you can create a memorable bonding experience that helps boost their self esteem.

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A boy’s best friend is his mother.”

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While waiting for Mommy to sober up, the footrest on the bar is the perfect spot for a nap.

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Save money by using the same collar and leash for your dog, for your child. One size fits most.

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Teaching children to dance will awaken new perceptions in their mind, helping them to learn and think in different ways.

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If your children get unruly in social situations, bring along some juice boxes and roofies.

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Is Baby irritable? Nothing relaxes Baby faster than a few hits from Mommy’s bong.


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